Confusion of My Childhood, and hers..
Who among my closest buds in life doesn’t know about the complex situation I am in? The blessing in disguise that I have received at the cost of my true mothers touches? It has been since a long time that I have last held her close in my arms, or otherwise, what matters it’s been really some time. probably dated back a decade ago, as I am 18 and have left the Philippines for Germany when I was just 2 or 3.
I probably start confusing some of you about what I’m talking, let me guide you through. My mother resides somewhere in a province in Visayas, nearest to which is Cebu City. I’m here in downtown Davao living with her sister who has been acting up as my mother for the past fifteen or so years, alongside with her my present father who both are doing a pretty well job to make me feel how it is to belong to a family and have people care about you. But who would not agree that even the sight of your true mom can make a vast difference in emotional aspects than whatever tender touches someone else could do unto you?
Just a couple of moments ago, my younger sister who lives with my mother in Cebu sent me a message. A little poke to remind me that they are still alive and kicking down there, probably. And I just started to slowly, immensely miss the three of them (my mother and the 2 siblings I have there) even though I haven’t meet both of the little fellas she is with. I kinda feel guilty for not being able to visit them through all these years, most especially after the big bang I had with my earnings a month and two back. My heart bleeds to ground the words of conscience and guilt, to realize that I have accommodated my will to attain pleasure, rather than entertain my family that is left behind in Cebu. And it really looks like Karma isn’t far away
Other relatives are adding more burden to my weary emotions by the heavy statements and judgements they left behind, I can’t do a thing but to consider everything they said but it’s still hard to accept these strong words that hurt as if my soul has been blown up by ten anti-matters.
I don’t know how I can escape the trap I’ve falling into. I wish I could revert a couple of things that I have done in life, but that is just despicable to talk about. What other alternative aside from praying for the good health of those I love could I reach out to? None.
For My Aunt who will surely come to read this post some day, some time.
You might have known and loved my mother longer than I do, but it doesn’t mean I’ve loved her any less. You might have showed how much you care or her in visible actions you’ve taken, but it doesn’t means that my prayer do not match your financial or other kind of support that you have given. Stop judging, to stop being judged.
tsktsk. looking forward more poems!!!
i’ll be reading more of your poems.. 
keep it up.. 
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this is sad. you’re right, you should have pay them a visit when you had your earnings. I’m pretty sure your family in Cebu misses you that much already, especially your mom.
but you can still visit them. the next time you got your earnings, do visit them. I’m sure they’ll be happy to see you even in a short span of time only. Go spend some time with them. It’s not yet late ebin..:)
The problem is that it isn’t looking that good with my earning right now